Are You Confiding in the Right Go-To Person?

Posted in Insights, Motivational, News

When there's a problem finding a solution: are you focusing on how you problem-solve, and who's your go-to person? Venting can provide significant relief and clarity if done correctly, but using your emotional intelligence with the right go-to person is ideal.


Are You Confiding in the Right Go-To Person, Marshall Connects, OntarioUse Your Emotional Intelligence to Find  the Right Person to Confide In

How is Venting to Your Go-To Person Working for You?

Venting about our problems is a solution that can be overrated. We can decrease our anger or frustration if we don't fixate on the situation when we vent. Unfortunately, the opposite can happen if we aren't careful. Yes, we can intensify and extend these emotions without selecting the best person to vent. Remember, our brain believes what we tell it, setting the stage for potential unwanted emotion when problem-solving.

Often we want to share challenging situations with those close to us; however, it's essential to reflect regularly to ensure you're venting to move toward a solution productively with the best go-to person. Becoming more self-aware is a vital component of emotional intelligence that will assist you with who to confide in and vent to when problem-solving assistance is required.

Who is Your Go-To Person?

Without question, having access to a go-to person as a venting outlet can be very valuable. We may require more than one go-to person, depending on the situation. As much as we all need to work through challenges, it's a good idea to evaluate how much time we spend venting and how much of that is actually moving us towards a solution instead of reinforcing an unproductive habit.

(Visit this post next for eight tips to help you choose the best person to vent to)

Here's the thing: while we contemplate the problem, our brain continually reviews and examines it.

The challenge is we've only been providing our brain with information from one frame of reference, the one we provide! This one view can undoubtedly limit our problem-solving opportunities. The key is to find the best person to problem-solve with to find productive solutions. That individual, the one you select as your go-to person for personal and professional challenges, will determine how well you progress.

Find Someone Not Invested in Your Problem.

One of the critical attributes of moving forward is speaking with someone who has no emotionally invested in your problem.

For example, let's say you're having an issue with a team member at work. In this case, it's best not to talk to other colleagues about it. Because the truth is, they have an emotional connection to the work you're doing in one way or another. This situation is true whether they're directly involved in the project or not. Their feedback may be biased if they have a connection to the problem, and you may receive a personal opinion rather than an external objective view.

(On the subject of workplace interactions, here's another post you'll want to read next: 6 Practical Tips to Control Your Emotions in the Workplace)

Other Key Attributes of Your Go-To Person

Other attributes to consider when looking for the best person to confide in are:

  • Do they have 3-5 years more experience in your field, or are they a trusted family member that may have similar experiences they can draw upon? 
  • Do you feel comfortable speaking with them? 
  • Are they a good listener? 
  • Do they care about you? 
  • Are they someone you trust?
  • Do you consider them a rational thinker?
  • Do you believe they have high emotional intelligence?

Be careful not to select an individual you know will provide support by agreeing with you. Don't be afraid to ask someone you don't always agree with for their opinion. Sometimes these individuals can be the most objective advisors. 

As you build your emotional intelligence, you will be more aware of situations that trigger your emotions affecting your need to vent while problem-solving. You will also become more intuitive of your needs and the skills you require in your go-to person.

Selecting the right person to confide in requires a great deal of self-awareness and self-management skills. Using these skills will ensure you 'vent' to move toward a successful solution every time! (Discover five valuable ways to strengthen your self-awareness in this post)


This article was originally published on March 18, 2017, and has been updated (October 2021).

More Motivational Reads Here »


Are you Emotionally Intelligent?

Sign up for Linda's monthly tips to build your Emotional Intelligence and reduce Emotional Hijacking!


Are you Emotionally Intelligent?

Sign up for Linda’s monthly tips to build your Emotional Intelligence and reduce Emotional Hijacking!

We’re proud to say we’ve done some wonderful work with some wonderful community-minded organizations.

  • Pearson Dunn Insurance Inc.

  • Budds' BMW Hamilton

  • Hamilton Arts Council

  • Hamilton Philharmonic Orchestra

  • Mohawk College

  • OBIA

  • Physique Fitness

  • WEAVA

  • McMaster University - Student Success Centre

  • Hamilton Family Health Team

  • AllerGen
  • Marshall Truck & Trailer Repair Ltd.
  • Nielsen
  • PCL Construction
  • Royal Bank
  • Wesley Urban Ministries
  • North Hamilton Community Health Centre